she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
