can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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