You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
