It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
only if we run a train.
done.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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