it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
