who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
