So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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