then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
