She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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