Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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