I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
