A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
