hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
