Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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