pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
