Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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