I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
