Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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