I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
