i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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