all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
