Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
