All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
