I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
