Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
