Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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