Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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