Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
