his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
