Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
