i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
