dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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