My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize