my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
