Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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