Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We are all done wearing pants today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
