So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
