Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
