Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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