I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
