did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
