I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
