he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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