Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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