hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Where is the hickey?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize