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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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