From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize