I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
