my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
