Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
