i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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