No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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