your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
