The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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