3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
