What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
