im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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