Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
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