You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
