thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
