well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
