i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
