White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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