i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
