hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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