she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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