he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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