shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
