Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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