I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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