girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
